Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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