Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
