DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
