I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
