Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
