I hate your face
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
