I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
