it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
