I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize