so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want to make out with him forever
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
