It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
