watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
