I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
