I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
