You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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