i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
