like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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