Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize