Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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