we have officially lost it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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