Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
