Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
