Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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