My balls are so social today.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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