my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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