If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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