This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
