I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
