We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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