my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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