Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
