Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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