guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
