You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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