no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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