i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
