I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
