Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
