She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
