i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
