I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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