i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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