I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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