How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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