me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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