just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
