Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
