Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
