Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
