Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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