I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
