Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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