I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
