i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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