Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
