Welp...herpes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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