Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
