And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
