Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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