As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Welp...herpes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
