she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Congratulations! We have a period
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