I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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