i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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