nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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