Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize