i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He kissed a someone with a penis
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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