We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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