I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
zippers are such a cool invention
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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