I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
