I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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