the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
