We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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