the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
