1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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