The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize