I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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