I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
