well you can't waste a boner
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
