I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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