Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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