I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize