i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
