I think my fart just growled at me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
