That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't deserve a penis
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
