I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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