I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I can't put those talents on a resume
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
