He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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