so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize