wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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