The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
