I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
