just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
