where am i from again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
