i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize