oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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