bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
