He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
