I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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