and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
