I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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