You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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