My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
