gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
