Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
