Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
