Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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