Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
