Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
