saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I faked an abortion last night.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
