This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
