I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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