Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
