So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
