I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
