I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
