He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
