Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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