Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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