yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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