hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Non-Jews are for practice
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
