Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize