Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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