How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
