so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Your penis caused this!
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